Saturday, January 5, 2008

#1: Being able to be carried out of a burning building by a single firefighter....(you know the glamorous way)

It is among my greatest fears to be trapped in a burning building, only to be found by a fireman who'd inevitably say, "unh-uh lady, you too meaty!" and leave me for dead in the flames.

So....I've reworked this little nightmare into a glamorous Hollywood-style fantasy: flames dancing off the walls, smoke filling my petite and fragile lungs, I know this is the end. But wait, who's that in the distance? I reach up a frail arm to signal my hero, and for a moment everything goes black. The next thing I remember he's caring me effortlessly down the steps of the building, my arms are draped delicately around his neck, the crowd is cheering and he places me delicately on a stretcher. I am the last person to be rescued, everyone is safe! Then, without warning my breathing becomes irregular, and for some reason there are no oxygen masks available at the moment so the firefighter whips off his mask, and low and behold it's a Matthew McConaughey look-a-like! He brings his angelic like lips to mine and breathes life into my fragile form.
Then, disaster strikes again. The healthy snack I had been enjoying, just moments before the fire broke out(a single-serving of almonds) travels up my throat and I vomit! I vomit into the handsome firefighter's mouth. Suddenly his face swells; he is allergic; allergic to almonds! Disaster! Soon he's in critical condition and I'm nearly dead from the embarrassment! We're whisked into ambulances and taken to the nearest hospital... and for some reason we're in comas by now!

Days later my old college roommate flies in from India remembering my request that if I were ever to go into a coma he'd come to my side and play the Smith's song "Girlfriend In A Coma." Somewhere deep inside me something stirs, as if I'm underwater I can hear this joyful song in the distance...I'm begin to come to....

In the bed next to mine the handsome firefighter stirs. I open my eyes! He opens his! Our eyes meet and it's love, love, love. (At first he was a little mad about the almond thing...)

No comments: