#2 Model planet

I recently saw an advertisement for the Victoria's secret semi-annual sale. "Geeze," I thought to myself, those ladies are sure purdy. But I didn't mean "purdy" that's a term reserved for obese Southerners and rabbits who can talk well enough to evaluate the aesthetics of daisies and poppies, what I meant was...those chicks are hot! I guess. Yeah, no, I'm gonna go with hot. That seems like what people would say. They were hot, and I loved them for it.

I hated them too. Look at them in standing in front of their wind machines, gyrating their hips, arching their backs, and wearing stripper shoes without looking like strippers. I realized I hated them because women like that are that good looking they are from another planet: Model Planet.

Someday I'm going to be that good looking, and I won't miss the semi-annual sale- I'll be there bursting down the door schmoozing the manager and walking out the door with dozens of little pink bags in hand- for free. I mean, I'll make friends with Lance the fabulous manager and he'll agree that I was born to wear their bras and panties- it'd be a crime to charge me for the garments!

Anyway, after that I'll be feeling pretty good so I'll put on my new lingerie and proudly walk the runway to board the rocket! Inside the rocket-ship I'll meet two ridiculously good looking men, men who are tired of being thought stupid for their rippling muscles and glamorously gel-ed hair: Rico and Sylvester. Rico (a paleontologist) and Sly (a brain surgeon) and I will jet off to model planet leaving the cruel ugly world behind.
* Artists rendering of me boarding the rocket*